Bat in the chimney.

This is the story of a 30 year old male, fighting for survival in his own home. A battle of wills between two occupants of the domicile. The Bat, and The Man. Bat vs Man. No Batman.

It was a brisk spring day in Michigan. When "The Man" and his wife were sitting in their living room, watching some eloquent programing on the moving picture box. A scratching noise was heard emanating from the general vicinity of the fire place. This fire place is a coal burning fire place, which hasn't been used in over 60 years. It has a cast iron covering, which doesn't allow anything in or out. The chimney on top of the house has a wire mesh covering, which has apparently been removed or damaged in some way. I blame squirrels. Or I mean, "The Man" blames squirrels for the removal of the mesh covering.

So, after hearing the scratching and noises from the fire place, I decide to go have a look-see. I slowly removed the cast iron covering (weighs about 50 lbs) to discover a Bat hanging in my chimney. I promptly placed the cover back in it's place, and did what any man would do in this situation... I looked online to see what I should do.

Apparently it's illegal to kill a bat. Apparently removal from your home is only supposed to be handled by a licensed professional. As you can imagine, I simply couldn't care less about these apparent road blocks to my bat-free home. Therefore, I moved quickly to the kitchen to get the most appropriate tool for bat-removal I could think of. A pair of Bar-B-Q tongs.

Armed with my tongs, and sporting a pair of black leather gloves (no O.J.) I sealed off the other rooms in the house, and opened the front door so I could place the bat outside. My wife took the dog and cat into the den, and shut the door. Next, I made my way back to the fireplace. I noticed a can of FeBreze aerosol spray on the mantel and thought it would be a great way to dope the bat, making it easier for me to excercise him. I was wrong. The FeBreze had no apparent effect on the monster bat, which was at least 6" long from head to toe. However, he now smelt like a lovely summer day. I decided it was time to physically manhandle this gigantic rodent into submission with my trusty tongs. I soon found out my tongs were too short to reach the rodent from outside of the fireplace... I would have to go in, and I was not so pleased about this new found information.

As the protector of my domicile, I had no choice but to sacrifice my own life if necessary, to save the lives of those I love. I made my move, swiftly, and fiercely. As I squeezed down on my tongs, the monster bat began clicking and screeching. I'm convinced he also began to grow, much like the Hulk when provoked. As I made my way from the fireplace to the front door, the Hulk-Bat pried himself free from the grasp of my tongs. There was no shredding of purple pants, but I'm positive there would have been, if he'd been wearing them. Hulk-Bat took flight from the end of my tongs, and began soaring throughout the two open rooms in the house. The dining room, and the sitting room. As Hulk-Bat soared, I did what any grown man protecting his home from a humongo-bat would do, I ducked and screamed like a schoolgirl.

Gathering my composure while bent over and running away from Hulk-Bat, I decided I had no options other than to fight. As I stood up to confront this flying monster I noticed it's vast wingspan of at least 14". Shocked by it's enormous stature, I wasn't sure if I had the fortitude needed to survive this battle to the death. I drew strength from my Sunday School memories of David defeating Goliath as Israel stood by in fear. With great trepidation, I attacked! I furiously swung my tongs while moving toward this Dementor when it dive-bombed me into the cubby of my stairwell door and our den. I had no place to go, and certain death loomed above. What was I to do? I was clearly out of options, so I did the only thing I could. I made a break for the opposite side of the dining room.

Successful in my journey to the other end of the room, I had no time for celebration. The wraith was moving in for the kill, and I had to move fast. I released an obligatory "Oh Crap" for the 100th time in this ordeal, and hit the floor. My cat-like reflexes have saved me many times in life, however, none more important than now. I must admit, if I had obtained the object of the Dementor's desire, I would have surely given it to him. Alas, I had no such jewel in my clutches.

As a final attempt at the patronus, I swung my tongs and was able to divert Voldemort back towards the sitting room, and the open door to his freedom. As it circled the room for what seemed to be a lifetime, I readied my tongs for the final attack. One of us would surely die this night... As I moved toward the bat, he flew out the front door. Apparently he knew he was no match for me and my tongs, as I was growing stronger by the second.

I slammed the door shut, tossed my tongs in to the sink, and resumed my leisurely evening as if nothing had happened.

Who's house? My house... and I shall not relinquish it to any threat, foreign or domestic.

Engineering: 101 "Tracking Vocals"

It's been a month, and a long one at that. Sorry for the break in the action, folks. Blogging is serious business. Sirius Cat says so...

Anyway, welcome to our second installment of the Blogging Engineer. Today we're going to cover some very simplistic elements on tracking vocals in your DAW of choice. Regardless of your preferences, these simple techniques can help bring clarity, headroom, and an overall better quality to your recordings. Unless of course, you simply have horrible equipment which is beyond help. Which I doubt you do, so here we go.

Based on our last installment in this series, you should already have your signal chain setup correctly. If not, go back and read that blog. We'll wait for you, go ahead.... you done yet? Ok... how bout now? Ok good. Now that your signal chain is properly configured, let's get you tracking at the proper levels with the proper techniques to bring the best possible quality to you that we can.

1. Environment:
Your recording environment is extremely important. Are you recording in a booth? In a closet? In an open room? All these things must be taken into consideration for the natural reverb and ambient sound that you'll pick up in your recordings. The best option here imo, is a recording booth.

2. Mic Placement:
This is also extremely important. If you're recording in an open room, your recordings will be vastly different based on where you place the microphone. Middle of the room? More reverb, more ambient sound. In a padded corner? Less reverb, less ambient sound. Etc, etc...

3. Recording Media/Signal Processing:
What you're recording through and onto makes a large impact on the quality of your recordings. Digital or Analog, DAW or Hard Disk, etc... Recording via mixer, soundcard, both, or an M-Box or Digi003? These all play a role. Not to mention pre-amps and compressors.

If you have the space and the finances, I recommend building a vocal booth. It's a low cost investment with very high returns. There are plenty of blueprints etc. online to help you build your own recording booth. Or, if you're savvy enough you can design and build your own booth. I designed and built my own over 7 years ago, and it's never failed me. Every artist who comes through and records, raves about the quality of the booth and it's ability to knock down standing wavs. This is not to say "Go ME!" but moreso to say, if I can make one, you can definitely do it.

My personal preference is to eliminate everything from the signal chain other than the mic's power source whether preamp or mixer, and run directly into the soundcard to DAW. I want the clearest uncollored sound I can get when tracking vocals. I can compress in the box if I need to, and I don't run the risk of messing something up on the way in to the DAW. Like I said, this is my personal preference.

The biggest problem I run into with clients vocals they've tracked at home or in another studio is, volume. Apparently someone somewhere decided that hotter was better, and that's simply just untrue. Now, I can understand tracking hot vocals if you have a dirty signal chain causing some background hiss etc... But that's a problem with your signal chain, and you shouldn't be compensating for that in tracking. You should be fixing your signal chain... When tracking your vocals, you should be averaging a volume level around -18dbVU. It's an RMS calculation but simply put, this should keep your peaks aroun -12db and your valleys around -24. Plenty of headroom for compression and mixing when you layer multiple tracks.

The other issue I commonly run into, has to do with noise reduction. Most people don't calibrate their ambient noise in the room, and compensate for it after recording. You can eliminate that ambient noise almost entirely by creating an FFT filter based off an empty recording of your space. It's best to do so before each tracking session, to get a good sample of the room. Create a noise reduction envelope based on the FFT filter, and save it in your DAW. After tracking, you may need to run that filter on each vocal track individually to eliminate the ambient noise. It will make a world of difference in the end result.

Last, when tracking vocals, make sure your vocalist knows proper mic technique. Don't shout into the mic while two inches from the popper stopper, and certainly do not make a habit of standing a foot away while trying to record either. Three to six inches from the popper stopper is a good starting point for most individuals, and you'll make adjustments based on what they're tracking. Practice makes perfect.

As I said, simple yet effective lesson today. Hopefully it's useful.